The Shadow Aspect
by lnkpots
Summary: A portrait of the relationship between Albus Dumbledore and Gellert Grindelwald. Dumbledore POV. WARNING: Suggestion of male/male relationship.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter, obviously.  
><strong>Warning: <strong>In case you missed it in the summary, this story has mentions of a male/male relationship. Sex is implied, but not described.

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><p><strong>The Shadow Aspect<strong>

There was a resounding crack as I apparated near a dark, musty castle. The air fairly crackled with dark magic, chilling me to the bone. I could sense that he was near. His magical signature seemed like a scent floating on the wind. Oh, yes. This was the place.

I adjusted my cloak and began along the path that led to the castle that seemed like such a dark stain on the land. I did not hurry for I was not entirely prepared for the battle that lay ahead. Physically, I was more than ready. I had always known that I was a shade more skillful as a wizard than he. Yet emotionally, I was frightened.

I think, deep inside, I had always known that that day was coming. What a fool I had been. Never before had I met someone so equal to myself. Although I had always had many friends and admirers, none could challenge me intellectually. They could never truly understand me.

I had thought that meeting Gellert was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Look, now, where it had gotten us.

I stopped at the door. It opened quietly as I raised my hand to grasp the handle. The fact that he knew I was coming, however expected, did not ease the guilt and the fear that I felt as I crossed the threshold. The ominous crackling in the air seemed to intensify with every step I took.

I pursued the disturbance and it led my into a large, open chamber. The floor contained marble inlays in the triangular design of the Hallows. Above, the phrase "For the Greater Good" was carved in large, ornate letters on the opposite wall.

"We meet at last, Albus." Gellert greeted me from the other end of the chamber. It was well into his reign of terror, and for five years I had been urged over and over again to confront and defeat this man. Few knew that this day was much longer in the making – a lifetime, perhaps.

I bowed my head toward him. "It is good to see you again, Gellert." I have often made it a habit to go out of my way to be polite to people, even enemies, but this time I was sincere.

I could not help the small flutter in my chest caused by the man standing in front of me. After all this time, after everything he'd done… I still loved him.

_30 years earlier…_

I was devastated. The pain of losing my mother was equal to the pain I know felt, locked up in our old home in Godric's Hollow. With both parents dead, it was up to me to take care of my younger siblings, Aberforth and Ariana. Aberforth, I was sure, could have taken care of himself. However, my fragile sister never could have. I was the only one whom she trusted and would cooperate for. I could not leave her.

For one such as I, being confined to such a small area was maddening. I thought my brilliance was going to waste completely. I was forced to focus on more mundane riddles and phenomena, but there was one thing for me there.

I began to study the Deathly Hallows. Legend held that the original three brothers were the Peverell brothers and as luck would have it, they had been born and had died there in Godric's Hollow.

I had examined the site of their old home, but found nothing of interest. The village seemed to retain nothing from their existence save their tomb stones. Luckily for me, the stones seemed to hold an important clue. There was a symbol carved on them that represented the Deathly Hallows themselves.

Suddenly, finding the Hallows became much more important to me. I never thought that I could find tangible evidence of them here and the discovery seemed to ignite a flame within my heart. If I could find the resurrection stone, I could bring back my parents, enabling me to leave the village forever…

I studied the gravesite day after day, but it never yielded more secrets than it already had. Yet, the location did have one more surprise in store for me.

One day, as I was on my way to pay the familiar site a visit, I noticed that someone else had beaten me to it. Standing by Ignotus Peverell's gravestone was a tall, handsome man who appeared to be around the same age that I was.

He seemed to feel me observing himself and spun around. Our gazes locked. Mine, I am sure, was calm and level, but his was haughty and proud. After a moment, he turned and stalked away, nearly brushing by me as he left. Needless to say, I was too distracted by the strange visitor to stay much longer. Who was he?

The next day as I was exiting the house, I heard a voice calling my name. I turned to see my neighbor, Mrs. Bagshot, standing next to the handsome youth from the day before.

"Albus, good gracious, you've finally heard me. Wandering around lost in that brilliant mind of yours, I expect." She smiled at me and I smiled politely back, not quite able to take my eyes off the stranger.

"This is my great nephew, Gellert Grindelwald. I was wondering if you might be able to show him around the village. He will be staying here with me for a few months, but I'm afraid I'm just too busy to do it myself." She pushed him forward a few steps.

"Of course I will, Mrs. Bagshot." I smiled at her before returning my gaze to the man before me.

The more I looked at Gellert, the more I could not deny to myself that I found him very attractive. Everything from his mussed hair to the haughty look on his face was so… appealing.

We set off in silence. I pointed out a few locations to him, but I could tell he was not in the least bit interested. I decided to take him around the graveyard. Gellert paused when we reached the Peverell grave, as I knew he would. He looked at it closely before running his hand over the triangular symbol.

"The sign of the Deathly Hallows…" I interrupted his thoughts and he spun around to look at me. I could tell that I had caught him by surprise.

He looked at me in shock for the briefest of moments before the confident, haughty look returned. "Not many people are so familiar with the legend of the Hallows. Most believe it to be just that – a legend."

I smiled mysteriously. "I am not most people."

We hit it off rather well after that. We recognized that we were among our own kind. We were both brilliant and could easily grasp the concepts of one another. I started spending more and more time with Gellert – more time than I did at my own home.

One day our talk turned to muggles. "We wizards are the dominant kind. We should be taking control over them. They are weaker than us, so why should we be the ones in hiding? We must put them back in their place," Gellert insisted.

I cannot deny that I was taken with the idea. After those muggle boys had tortured my sister and ultimately landed me in the situation I was currently in, I could not deny my mistrust and dislike of them. Still, I was not quite as adamant as Gellert. I did not want to harm them - I merely wanted to keep them in their place.

Seeing that I was not in total agreement, he shocked me by taking my face in his hands and softly kissing my lips. He whispered to me all the reasons why I should agree with and trust him between more sweet kisses.

I had never been able to have an intimate relationship with anyone because I knew I was out of their league. Gellert and I were a perfect match. He was cocky and arrogant, but instead of turning me away from him, it somehow made me want him more.

I could not help but to agree with him in the end. He seemed to hold so much sway over my mind. I gave in to him. "I agree. We need to control the muggles, but with as little force as necessary. We need to promote the idea that it is for their own good. Otherwise we will end up in the same situation you did when you were expelled from Durmstrang." He kissed me one last time, much deeper than the earlier, brief kisses and smiled his cocky grin back at me. I couldn't help but to fall for him.

We decided to join together on our search for the Hallows. As it turned out, his own search for them was what had brought Gellert to Godric's Hollow in the first place. We planned about the Hallows and how they could help us to achieve our goals. The most important was to be the Elder Wand.

With the wand, we would have been invincible. The unbeatable wand in the hands of the two most clever and magically powerful wizards of our time was sure to be a great asset. We knew we would be met with resistance, but felt that any harm done would be necessary to achieve the perfect balance in the world. Yet, inside I was a little troubled at how badly he wanted the power that came with the Elder Wand. I buried the feeling.

The next most important Hallow was the resurrection stone. I selfishly wanted it so that I would be able to return my parents to life so that they could continue to look after my siblings. Gellert never did say much about why he wanted it so badly. Every time I asked him about it, he would kiss me and tell me to "never mind." Eventually I stopped asking, though I could tell he was hiding something from me. It always gave me a dark, uneasy feeling and I think that, way back in my mind, I knew he wanted it to build an army of inferi. Yet, I ignored it. I could not turn myself away from him. I loved him too much. I was in too deep.

Neither of us felt much draw to the cloak, as were certainly skilled enough at magic to conceal ourselves at least as well as the invisibility cloak would have done.

As the summer drew on, we became more involved with one another and I just could not get enough of him. Yet I knew, deep down, that he did not love me as I loved him. I knew that he was taking advantage of my love and using it to control me. I pretended not to see it. I was blinded by my love and I treasured every illicit union, every touch and kiss. It never took much. The more we were together, the further down the rabbit hole I fell, the further deluded I became.

I did not see how powerfully dark and evil our ideas for wizard supremacy had become. All I could think of was Gellert. My love for him had clouded my judgment completely and I know that I agreed to things I never would have otherwise. Without using the slightest hint of magic, he had cast his spell over me.

Near the end of the summer, our plans were fully formed. We were ready to go out into the world and start searching further for the Hallows that would allow us to create the world we so yearned for.

We were almost ready to leave when I was hit with the realization that I could not simply leave. I could not just leave Ariana. I had not spent much time with them at all over the summer and it was almost as though I had completely forgotten about my own family.

In the end, I decided that there was no other alternative than to take my sister with us.

As we were making final preparations to leave, we were accosted by Aberforth. "You cannot go with him," he yelled at me, pointing at Gellert. "You cannot take her on this ridiculous quest of yours! She is too fragile! She needs to be kept here, where it is safe!"

Gellert had none of that. "You don't understand, you idiotic boy! Once we gain control over the muggles, she will never have to hide again. Your mental sister will finally be able to go out again!"

This caused my brother to snap. He lunged at Gellert like a wild animal and Gellert used the cruciatus curse to stop him in his tracks.

I tried to place myself between them, to force them to stop their fighting, but it only caused them to aim at me as well. Soon, it was a raging three-way duel. Curses and jinxes were flying everywhere and rebounding off every available surface. Ariana, who had been hiding in the corner of the room, began to cry. No one noticed her tears.

The fight became more intense with every passing moment and soon it was too much for my poor sister to take. Her magic, as it sometimes did, burst outward from herself as she tried to pull me away by my sleeve. A curse – I do not know whose it was – hit her directly.

She fell to the floor immediately, dead. Suddenly, the battle was over. No one had won and everything had been lost. I could not tell whose spell had ended her life. For the rest of my life, I would be terrified that it had been mine.

Aberforth and I stared at Ariana's fragile body in shock and anguish, but Gellert bolted out of the house. That was the last I saw of him for 30 years…

The spell had broken.

After Gellert left, I could see clearly again and without the haze of love clouding my eyes, I knew what a fool I had been. Deep down, I had known that what we had been plotting was wrong all along, but I had been unable to admit it to myself. With Gellert gone and the veil lifted, I felt terrible. I had lost my sister and a part of myself.

I was heartbroken. And angry.

I could not believe what I had done. That I had given someone that kind of power over myself was unforgivable. Gellert could have convinced me to do anything, for I would have done whatever he had asked. I knew that I could never again let anyone hold that kind of power over myself. I would never, could never allow myself to love again.

I still hate to think of what would have happened if Aberforth had not interfered and Gellert had continued to hold that power over me. We would have been unstoppable…

Eventually, Gellert went off to continue our work by himself and I did my best to thwart him from afar. The public and the ministry urged me many times to take greater action, but I just couldn't bear to face him. I couldn't bear to hear him tell me that Ariana's death was my fault. I was also deeply terrified that he would still hold power over me, that he would be able to convince me to believe his lies once more. I did not trust that I would be able to stand up to him.

I held out for as long as I could, but after five years of increasing pressure from the public, I could no longer turn my back to him. I had to destroy what I had helped create.

_3o Years Later_

In the end, I was left standing above the man I once loved, clutching two wands in my hand. It had been a fierce and passionate duel but I, who had always been a shade more talented, eventually managed to gain the upper hand. I had won.

As he lay on the floor, gasping for breath and grinning his cocky little grin back up at me, I felt a twinge in my heart.

"Are you going to kill me now?" He was as arrogant as ever. I could not hide a small smile. He seemed to accept his fate so calmly. Maybe he had always known it would come to this. Yet, I know he did not hate me for it.

Since the day Ariana had died, perhaps even since first we met or even since we were born, our fates had become intertwined. He never did love me as I loved him, but there was some tangible bond that seemed to link us. I was sure he could feel it too. No matter what had happened between us, that bond would always remain.

"No, Gellert. I have never wanted to kill. But I cannot allow you to continue like this." I smiled again at him, sadly this time. "It's for your own good… And mine."

I locked him in the highest cell of his own fortress-like prison, Nurmengard. I could not kill the man that I knew, deep down, I still loved. I began to use his wand, the very elder wand that we had such grand plans for as youngsters, and I never saw him again. Even in his absence, I felt that he still held so much power over me. If I were to see him again, it would result in my undoing – I was sure of it.

_Present_

I am satisfied with my life. Looking back on it, there are many more things I wish I could have learned and experienced, but as a whole, I believe I led a wonderfully fulfilling and exciting life. Death is just the next adventure. Yet, even in my death, I could not shake the feeling that there was something missing…

They say that in his last moments, Gellert refused to tell Voldemort where the elder wand was hidden. Perhaps it was because he felt remorse for everything he had done. But there is a little part inside of me that would like to think that it was to protect me, even in death.

And when Gellert finally died, it was as though a part of myself that I didn't even know I had left behind with the living had returned to me. I felt complete again.

I could now finally be at peace. _We_ could finally be at peace.

…

I feel a presence standing behind me and I turn to greet an old friend, smiling broadly. Gellert grins his cocky grin back at me and looks just as he did when we were younger. He smiles and brushes a strand of my auburn hair out of my face before reaching out his hand to me. I grasp it in mine and we walk together, equals once more, _On_…

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>I hope you enjoyed it! This is my very first fic, so reviews are greatly appreciated. Any criticism, good or bad, is welcomed. Also, I tried to make this story somewhat cannon (taking into account interviews with J. K. Rowling).

The name of the story, _The Shadow Aspect_, comes from the idea in Jungian psychology of the shadow aspect within everyone. I like to think of Gellert as Albus' shadow self personified. Please feel welcome to discuss this with me!


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